Saving your family starts with you.
“Children spend substantial time with their siblings in the confinement of the family home, and if bullied and excluded, this can lead to social defeat, self-blame and serious mental health disorder.”
~ Prof. Dieter Wolke, University of Warwick, UK
are you Discontent with your spouse?
A #1 contributing factor to sibling abuse is discontentment with your spouse.
Your spouse’s behavior is not the main problem in your home. Their behavior is a symptom of a deeper pervasive human condition.
That condition exists in you too. Conflict or anger with your spouse requires disagreement and discontentment within yourself.
But the good news says that love and contentment can be revived inside you. The identity we’re illuminating for you can save your marriage!
You, your spouse and your children are all desperate for the truth.
Can’t agree with how to raise your kids?
Conflicts and stress require disagreement and discontentment within yourself.
Conflicts in your family are rooted in uncertainty about the future of your life.
Whether or not you believe it, your children’s behaviors are rooted in your beliefs about yourself… and about your future.
There is a clear answer to your questions about parenting your children. Listen to the answers here…
parents, you have the most important job in the world…
Thank you for being brave!
You are taking the first step to stop sibling bullying-abuse in your home by informing yourself.
You love your kids—and there is no fear in love. Perfect love casts out all fear, because fear has to do with punishment.
Let’s dig in together… you can do this! All things are possible with God.
How do i stop my children from hurting each other?
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Significant age, maturity, or intelligence gaps
Significant differences in temperament
One sibling more physically dominant
One sibling more emotionally assertive or dominant
One child recruiting other siblings to gang up on another sibling
One sibling more manipulative or cunning
Any child who is more naïve, innocent or suggestible
Any child whose lack of experience is used as a weakness by older siblings
Any child who is frequently rejected by their siblings
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Siblings provoking physically weaker siblings even in low-level ways.
Siblings and/or their friends “ganging up” on another sibling.
Siblings assigning derogative labels or nicknames to another sibling.
Brothers commenting on a sister’s physical appearance or attractiveness.
Poor self-image, struggles with weight, or excessive dieting/exercise can become a life-long symptom of sibling bullying.
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Siblings interacting with pillows, sleeping bags or other bedding used for suffocating or threatening suffocation. (Claustrophobia can be a lifetime symptom of sibling aggression.)
Siblings interacting with sharp objects, ropes, cords, sticks, tools, etc.
Siblings exhibiting suggestive touch, touching or pinching another sibling’s bottom, tickling under the arms or at mid-section. (Signs of sexual abuse are not always hidden.)
Stronger children physically touching, hitting, slapping, pinching or poking.
Here are common aggression triggers you can start to eliminate today!
Parental comparison or criticism of a particular child by rejecting or saying “why can’t you be more like your sibling”
“Parentifying” an older sibling or assigning responsibility for the care of younger siblings
Perceived parental favoritism or inconsistent discipline toward younger siblings; pay attention to fathers favoring later-born daughters
Overly-harsh discipline for failing to meet school/athletic performance or household expectations
Parental modeling of abuse or household conflict
Critical or discontented attitude toward your spouse or child’s other parent (click here to learn how to improve your marriage…)
Don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions:
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As a parent, you must deal with the effects of fallen human nature. If you have yet to deal with your own fallen nature, your child will also feed off your aggressive or coercive tendencies.
If you follow the trends of this fallen world, aggression will likely follow you.
Our emotions and beliefs are easily confused as part of our identity. So, we all must know the truth that sets us free!
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If you are human, then your family is susceptible to sibling abuse. It isn’t personal! The problem didn’t start with you… remember Cain and Abel?
Sibling abuse is prevalent in all socioeconomic strata. It’s as common in affluent families as any other.
It is often normalized in male dominant cultures when older brothers target younger sisters... and just as likely perpetrated by older sisters onto younger male or female siblings.
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Children with developmental challenges like autism can be targets of sibling bullying-abuse. Unfortunately they also can be the source of the abuse.
Research is also showing a possible link between autistic behaviors and sibling abuse victimization.
Professionals, particularly in education and childcare, often lack training to recognize or prevent sibling bullying-abuse.
This means every parent can learn to become an advocate for their vulnerable children.
1 in 5 boys and 1 in 3 girls will become targets of sexual abuse… click here for Lauren’s Kids to help you prevent it!
give your younger kids the best opportunity to thrive today
Be willing to advocate for siblings who are consistently more innocent, naïve or suggestible.
Do not allow older children to constantly “do things” for younger children. Model patience as they learn to take care of themselves.
Do not allow older children (including siblings) to “baby-sit”.
90% of sexual abuse is perpetrated on children by someone you know and trust.
1 in 5 boys and 1 in 3 girls will become targets of sexual abuse… learn how to prevent it here!
how do i build rock-solid Identity in my youngest children?
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Pay attention to how “babies” are treated in your home. When you talk to or about your youngest born, remember first and foremost they are a person.
How you talk to and treat the baby in front of siblings can build up or degrade that person’s identity within (and outside) the family.
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If you get into the bad habit of talking about the baby of the family to older siblings, negative patterns of identity can continue into and throughout adulthood.
Many estrangement issues start when the “baby” grows up and refuses to tolerate being the topic of gossip and family stories.
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Ask if a younger sibling is okay with a nickname—even if it is common. For example, someone with the name Evangelina may want to be called “Evie” or “Angie” or “Lina”. Or they may only want to be addressed as “Evangelina”.
Do not assume you know what your child wants to be called. Ask them. Keep the lines of communication open.
Pay attention to how older siblings say their sibling’s name (mockingly?). How our names get pronounced is important to our identity.
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At least 35% of sibling abuse survivors experience or initiate relational “cut-offs” in adulthood, compared to less than 6% of the general population.
Forced or self-initiated estrangement has serious repercussions on extended family ties, spousal relationships, and the community at large.
waiting is not an option
You can make changes right now. Your family’s future is worth your effort and bravery.
Your children cannot afford for you to wait and see what happens…
THE LIFELONG IMPACT OF SIBLING ABUSE CANNOT BE OVERSTATED
Survivors often endure emotional numbness and a shattered sense of self as they grapple with the aftermath including:
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A range of associated emotional and physical symptoms become overwhelming.
Also, emotional turmoil, severe self-esteem issues, self-harm, and identity struggles are daily realities.
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Long-term “toxic stress” encountered in childhood can cause depression, physical weakness, and must higher susceptibility to fatal diseases including heart disease and cancer.
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Survivors of sibling bullying-abuse distance themselves from family and friends in order to heal and escape being manipulated into abuse again.
This can further exacerbate quality of life challenges and emotional struggles.
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Job instability, frequent job-change, inability to cope with dominating coworkers or harsh supervisors causes sporadic employment.
In addition, survivors are more susceptible to peer/school and workplace bullying, leading to further stress and career disruptions.
You can prevent a lifetime of silent suffering
A sibling abuse survivor’s life can be defined by a profound inability to trust anyone—including the people who can help, like doctors or teachers.
Survivors of repeated sibling aggression face ongoing feelings of fear or insecurity leading to social isolation and depression.
They may struggle with unexplainable anger and become targets for further abuse from partners, peers, and colleagues.
Despite outward appearances of a loving family, survivors may suffer in silence, believing they're unworthy of a better life.
Even with support, the scars of bullying-abuse can persist for decades and affect every area of life.
it’s okay to ask this:
How can i start making changes in myself to become the parent my children need?
It isn’t complicated. It starts with your heart…
Click on the blog posts below to find resources, guidance, and reflections on overcoming sibling bullying-abuse tendencies in your family.
Are you willing to uncover the SECRET things hurting your children?
There is a thief following your children.
If you could do ONE thing to benefit your child for a lifetime, would you be willing?
Your child needs a new seed.