Here’s a quick test:

Do you ever feel

anxious… frustrated… depressed… disappointed… impatient… angry… exasperated… defensive… lonely…?

Those negative feelings are not supposed to be “normal”. In fact the source of those feelings empowers all abusive behavior.

(Here’s how you can start to deal with them…)

Those feelings are evidence of a serious genetic condition endemic to the human race.

The condition is called self-righteousness. 

We don’t mean the arrogant, narcissistic, morally-superior religious Pharisaic kind of self-righteousness. (That kind is found in a smaller number of people.)

The self-righteousness we’re talking about—the kind causing feelings of anxiety, anger, fear—is a mindset that tries to infect everyone. It’s usually tolerated as a normal part of human nature.

But it isn’t supposed to be this way, because it originates from a universal lie. And everyone’s fallen human nature craves this kind of self-righteousness. 

Why is self-righteousness so bad?

It’s very deceptive. It often seems like a good thing. It can seem to make things in your life go better… temporarily. But self-righteousness will lead to devastation in the long-term.

Self-righteousness is the urge to (try to) make yourself a good person. Self-righteousness is the need to make people (or God) think you aren’t bad or don’t deserve punishment.

Self-righteousness includes the drive to make yourself better or achieve more. Self-righteousness can make you falsely determine your self-worth as higher… or lower.

Self-righteousness makes you try to hide your faults. Self-righteousness causes you to tell lies, cover-up your mistakes, and shift the blame to others.

Self-righteousness will reveal itself in seemingly normal conscious or subconscious thoughts you say to yourself or to your kids (if you’re a parent).

Take a moment to ponder these common thought patterns. You may be surprised how “right” these ideas sound:

“The most important thing is to try to be a good person.”

“Be careful… what will people think about you if you do that?”

“I am in charge of making me who I should be.”

“Other people need to see me the way I want them to see me.”

“I don’t want anyone to take what’s mine… and I don’t want bad things to happen to me.”

“I must make myself look good… I can’t look like I’m bad (or stupid or different or weird).”

“The most important thing is to try to be a good person.”

“I have to have (or earn, strive, prove, learn, deserve, achieve) this thing… if I don’t, I won’t be the person I should be. I won’t be good enough.”

“I am in charge of making myself who I should be, so other people will see me the way I want them to see me.”

“People should get what they deserve.”

“Once I have a better __________ (car, neighborhood, career, wardrobe, weight, face/body, friends, spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, relationship, education/degree, income/ checking account, net worth/retirement fund…) then I can be okay.”

“I can’t and won’t be okay until _________ (my boss treats me better, my employees respect me more, my spouse does what I want, my kids are doing better…).”

More ways that self-righteousness works:

Deep down people don’t want to be bad. This is our God-given conscience.

Deep down people don’t want bad things to happen to them. This is our God-given desire to live.

Deep down people don’t want to be inconsequential, inadequate or failures. This is our God-given desire to thrive.

But the genetic lie of self-righteousness tries to force us to feel bad (or less valuable) about ourselves consciously or subconsciously in some way… no matter how much or how little we accomplish in life.

Self-righteousness can drive us to get wealth, or status... it also drives us to get the praise of other people, or desire pleasures we shouldn’t. This is called greed and lust.

When your efforts to be better or do better or have more fall short… emotions like fear, anxiety, stress, impatience, frustration, anger, loneliness, hatred, etc, kick in.

When others fail to do good to you, or seem to hinder your efforts to try doing good, or when they try to hurt you… those same emotions can become even stronger.

Self-righteousness often causes other people—especially those closest to you—to reinforce (purposely or accidentally) the badness or inadequacy you feel about yourself… so that they’ll feel less bad about themselves.

Self-righteousness may cause you to try feeling better about yourself by making yourself seem superior to others. Or you might avoid feeling bad about yourself (paradoxically) by quitting, putting yourself down, or hating yourself.

Another symptom of self-righteousness is pride… to hate or want to punish (or take revenge on) others who threaten you, take from you, or make you look bad.

Self-righteousness can cause you to accuse, blame or dislike others subconsciously in your heart, so that (in your mind) they’ll seem worse than you feel about yourself. This includes jealousy.

Self-righteousness can cause people to judge others and blame others as the reason why they’re not good enough or happy enough… leading them to bully, abuse or be violent towards someone or something else smaller than you (like a younger sibling or a pet).

Self-righteousness may cause you to remove yourself from the picture completely by disappearing, running away, medicating, taking drugs/alcohol, or putting yourself in harm’s way. (This is not about setting appropriate boundaries for the physical safety of you or your children.)

How can we stop being self-righteous?

We can’t help but try to be self-made “good” people if we don’t receive a new genetic code. A self-less code for life.

The good news is there is a new code, and it’s entirely free.

All thoughts and behaviors rooted in self-righteousness are ultimately self-protective, self-centered, self-motivated, self-seeking, and often judgmental and unforgiving.

But we can have new thoughts and behaviors driven by selflessness!

Whether it’s trying to be a good parent, or a good neighbor, or a good employee, or a good student, or a good kid…  you can’t escape the urge to be self-righteous apart from the free gift of selflessness that comes through love.

If you realize you can’t measure up to the impossible standards of self-righteousness, if you realize you can’t help but feel like you’re “bad”… if you’re tired of the selfish, self-centered behaviors, thoughts and feelings toward others or yourself… and the craving for self-righteousness...

then you are qualified for your new genetic code for life!